I know this post is late. I could have tried to write it while I was in New Hampshire dealing with the loss of my brother, but to be honest, I couldn’t. I wasn’t really able to do anything. I still don’t want to do anything, but that is because I’m having a difficult time figuring out how I’m supposed to continue my life without him. I’m not going to get into all of that now, maybe another day. What I can say for certain is this is not a cry for attention or pity. This is me, like always, writing the things that I think of as they come into my head. At this point in my life, 2 weeks later, it is still a fresh wound and a constant thought, so I will try my best to get to the topic at hand…
Goals for 2017
I wrote the following list before my life was changed in a way that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I’m including it because I feel like where my mind is at now vs where it was at then needs to be seen, but also because I know if I were starting the year off in a way that I had planned for these would be my goals and keeping them as a part of this post is important to me, for some reason.
Better Eating Habits
Be more Social
Read at least a book a week
Walk Idris Daily
Finish First & Second draft of Novel
Write & Submit Articles for publishing
Post new Blog every Sunday
Learn to Love Myself
Learn about Myself
Build a Savings
Great list right?! Yeah except right now the reality of my list is: survive. I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about this, and I’m really not. I want to reach all of those goals, if I can, but I’m not going to push myself as hard as I might have before. I am going to try, but I also need to add a few things in light of these events.
Consider Medication for Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, etc
Make a Living Will/ Will
Make sure I have Life Insurance
Get my Student Loans in Order
Pay off Schools
Go back to School
Start paying off debit
Everything that has happened since my birthday (December 30th) has made me realize I might not have as much time as I thought on this world. Who knows what could happen to me. In my brother Matt’s honor I will do everything in my power to not only live a more healthy life, but to accomplish many of the things that I’ve been putting off because I have “lots of time”.
For any of you that think this might be an overreaction to the loss of my brother, maybe you are right, but the fact remains that he passed on the day after his 34th birthday. Crazy awful right? Add to that the fact that the day after his 34th birthday, was MY 34th birthday. Can you see why I might feel like these are things I need to do now?
Maybe one of these days I’ll write about what happened, or where my head is at, but right now all I can do is give what I have, and that isn’t much. I just knew I needed to do this, even though my anxiety is telling me that it is dumb and everyone is going to pity me and why would I even write such garbage. I’m trying to remember that this is my therapy, this is how I will cope.
Be sure that you will hear more of where my head is at as I continue to blog in the future, but for now this is all you get. I would love to hear your goals for 2017. They don’t have to be resolutions, I really hate that whole thing, but I can’t live my life without having goals to work towards, so I make them and try to evaluate my progress throughout the year. How do you keep track? What are your thoughts on yearly goals?